Beyond Reason

After celebrating the wedding of 2 very good friends of mine from college on Nantucket, I am returning to the trail tomorrow. I had forgotten how many things clutter your thoughts in the real world; will I make this train? Where are the keys to rental car? Should I tell that man his price tag is still on his jeans? The worst of which being remembering to use restrooms and suppressing the instinct to pee against tall objects.

At mile marker 930 I still have a week left in Virginia, but the half way mark is fast approaching which means I need to begin training for the “half gallon challenge.” This is a competition of speed and indurance testing who can consume a half gallon of ice cream the fastest. This long standing tradition, at the mid-point, inspires much conversation and strategy in the preceeding miles. Unfortunately my two biggest competitors are 100 miles north of me by now. Space Dots and The New Guy may appear to be two unassuming hikers but don’t be fooled they have an appetite for victory.

Space Dots (a name derived from his jacket sleaves which are lined with reflective dots which he claims help him “propriocept in space”) is of the “ultralight” school of backpacking. These hikers carry between 6-25 pound bags usually sacrificing items which I consider essentail such as, sleeping bags, tents, pants or food. In spite of his ultralight status, Space Dots carries a howling tube. You know, those corregated tubes serving no other purpose than to make noise when spun rapidly and can hold a kid’s attention for maybe 3 minutes. When people ask him what this tube is for he whips it out of his bag gives it a twirl and then retires the instrument evoking the same response every time, “that’s it?” Space Dots has failed on many occasion to jettison the tube which is always returned to him by another hiker anxious to reunite the tube with its proper owner. After making beautiful music on his wailing tube, Space Dots’ second favorite hobby is smelling day and weekend hikers. When passing a clean, hygenic hiker, Space Dots takes a big unreserved whiff because, “they just smell so good.” I have to agree with him though I prefer greater discretion in my olfactory indulgence.

The New Guy doesn’t carry any useless gear but does carry a magic bag of trail mix. In his preparations to hike the AT, New Guy prepared 10 gallons of trail mix including everything from dried strawberries and kiwis, to cheerios over a decade old from a childhood hiking trip. These offer a more reflective or sentimental snack if not slightly stale. I have never seen so many ingredients in a bag of GORP. He dares me to ask for any item from the bag claiming it will magically appear on top when prompted. I do. He shakes the bag opens it and sure enough resting on top is a dried and mangled piece of fruit. ITS ALIVE! The day hikers we meet are not as easily entertained by the magic GORP as we are, calling attention to the fundamental difference between our worlds: namely, we believe in magic and they don’t…or we have an altogether insane relationship with our food.

-NEWT